I didn’t want to write this.
Because it’s chock full of feelings and emotions, and I’m not good with that sort of stuff.
I don’t want to be good at that sort of thing.
I feel like I’m sitting on some steps being all pouty with my chin cradled in my hands. Waiting.
For what? I don’t know.
Maybe for someone to take initiative for me. To take care of me. For the doctors to act like they care and to just make appointments for me.
Adulting is hard, right?
So, today I’m going to email my doctor, but I don’t want to.
What if I drive the two hours to get this open MRI, and I have something?
What if I drive the two hours, go through all these tests and…
Absolutely nothing is wrong?
What if all this has just been a big waste of everybody’s time?
I’d hate that.
So, what am I going through all this for?
Maybe it’s to have emotions.
And, learn that that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel “okay” one day and question everything the next. It’s okay to be at peace and calm and then be scared to death.
I’m scared to death right now.
Ignorance is bliss. And, I’m choosing to be blissfully ignorant in this moment. Ignorant of the fact of whether I have MS or not.
If I do nothing then I know nothing, and I can go blissfully ignorant through life like nothing is wrong.
But, then on the days when I feel not so great (Understatement.), I’d really like to know what’s going on.
So today I will email my doctor…maybe. I’m not ready, but I’ll get ready.
Is there something in life that you just don’t want to know the answer to?
Thanks for stopping by! If you’d like to check out the past posts in this series, here are the links:
Have a blessed day!